Beaver County Times, December 28, 2014

The end of the year approaches as excitement for the Armed Forces Bowl builds.
All things considered, it wasn't a bad year. All three pro teams made the playoffs,
great stories emerged, and there was plenty to discuss.
But now it's time to drop the curtain on 2014, use the leaf blower on the pine needles, and get a new calendar just as soon as they're on sale for half price.
Before it's officially over, though, let's take one affectionate look back at the 12 months in sports with the annual year-end quiz. Get a pair of sharpened No. 2 pencils and have a go at the traditional dozen puzzlers. (Slide rules are permitted. If you still have one and know how to work it, you deserve the consideration).
---
1. If you can't get any information, it's because:
a. The library is closed.
b. Your Internet connection is faulty.
c. You're at Mike Tomlin's Tuesday press conference.
---
2. What question is most difficult to answer?
a. Will Pitt football return to the Top 10?
b. Will the Pirates win another World Series?
c. Are Dan Potash and Robby Incmikoski really the same person?
---
3. The Pirates are proving what immutable baseball rule?
a. Pitching depth is critical.
b. Quality defense is a must.
c. Success means increased ticket prices.
---
4. Some radio stations suspend regular programming for six weeks of Christmas music. Most listeners:
a. Think it's overkill.
b. Love the holiday tunes.
c. Wish 93.7 The Fan would do that.
---
5. The Steelers will add 2,390 seats at Heinz Field. This means:
a. People on the waiting list will get a call.
b. More seat licenses will be sold.
c. There will be 2,390 more empty seats for Youngstown State-Pitt.
---
6. What's the best advice Le'Veon Bell got?
a. Study your playbook.
b. Follow your blockers.
c. Get out of LeGarrette Blount's car pool.
---
7. The Penguins' most dreaded enemy is:
a. The Rangers.
b. The Flyers.
c. The mumps.
---
8. A.J. Burnett's return to the Pirates guarantees:
a. Pitching depth.
b. Veteran presence.
c. Even after hip replacement surgery, Clint Hurdle will have a pain in that general area.
---
9. An Australian TV anchor wore the same non-descript suit every day for a year. What was the common reaction?
a. That's an interesting experiment.
b. Men aren't held to the same standard as women.
c. Didn't Beano Cook always do that?
---
10. If Pedro Alvarez had stayed at third base, the Pirates would have to:
a. Find a new first baseman.
b. Find another spot for Josh Harrison.
c. Issue helmets to fans sitting behind first base.
---
11. Short-term employees are often known as:
a. Temps.
b. Seasonal hires.
c. Head football coach, University of Pittsburgh.
---
12. The Steelers had a reunion of the 1974 Super Bowl team. Many of the players now have:
a. Gray hair.
b. Grandchildren.
c. A new wife too young to have any memory of 1974.
---

Beaver County Times, December 21, 2014

It's that time. Your neighbor's year-round icicle lights are relevant again. Kids are texting updates to Santa. Everyone is merrily slicing through that Hickory Farms gift box that the out-of-state relatives sent.
It's time to pay the annual holiday homage to both Allan Sherman and Mad magazine with doggerel set to seasonal melodies
Two things: 1. There's no "12 Days of Christmas" because math ruins Christmas and, 2. Sing loudly and proudly. You can't possibly sound any worse than Stevie Nicks' version of "Silent Night."
It's time to celebrate. Cousin Nick is home from the Army, the nut rolls are warm, and there's a kick to the punch, so gather around the Naugahyde recliner for a group sing.
---
A couple of Steelers running backs livened up the preseason by getting pulled over for suspicion of a marijuana possession.
--(To the tune of "Feliz Navidad")
Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed
And hope this cop is a Steelers fan.

Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed
Think fast, we really need a plan.

We didn't think that anyone could see.
My agent's typing an apology.
Just wait 'til coach gets a hold of me.
Oh, it's going to be bad.

So now I am so very nervous.
Maybe we'll get community service.
Just wait 'til coach gets hold of us.
Oh, it's going to be bad.

Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed.
Police! Hide the weed.
Forgive us, please, for our misdeed.
---
Twenty-four sports talk appeals to the truly obsessive.
--(To the tune of "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree")
Calling the shows around the clock,
What a way to waste the day.
Charge up the phone, and hit speed dial,
Everybody gets their say.

Calling the shows around the clock,
Lines are open for you all.
Don't forget the phrase that pays:
"Hey, thanks for taking my call."

You must be primed and ready
When you get through to the hosts.
Yes, the Steelers' path is bumpy,
But, hey, be careful, Cook is grumpy.

Calling the shows around the clock,
Of course you have the time.
Being a fan's a full-time thing,
Haven't worked since '99.

Calling the shows around the clock,
Just a little O-C-D,
But the guy on at 1 a.m.
Really wants to hear from me.
---
Summing up 2014 with three stanzas per team.
--(To the tune of "Deck The Hall").
Wild card playoff, do or die.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Just three hours, then goodbye.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Cueto folded, he got queasy.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Bumgarner was not so easy.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Polanco sizzled, then he stumbled.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Wasn't long 'til he got humbled.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Has to show that he's for real.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Should have signed that long term deal.
Jay hay hay hay hay hay hay hay hay.

Cutch is awesome, tip your hat.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
He's the one they all throw at.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Won't give in, he just refuses.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Respect is shown in those bruises.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Will Steelers season be extended?
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Years of eight and eight have ended.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Could there be a playoff game?
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Offense gets all the acclaim.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Killer B's are tough to stop.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Unless you are a highway cop.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Offense good as it gets,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
How did they lose to the Jets?
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Defense struggles, Curtain frayed.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Lots of spots need to upgrade.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
People like to blame the coach,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Need a better draft approach.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Penguins rule all through the season.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Play their best when it is freezin'.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Then the playoffs and there's trouble.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Put the coaches on the bubble.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Bylsma fired, Shero, too.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Sweep it clean, they both were through.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Change the culture, do it quickly.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Playoff failures getting sickly.
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Still a core that few can match,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Sid and Geno, tough to catch.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Stars are here, not nameless humps,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Just hope that they can beat the mumps.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
---

And finally....
--(To the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")
We wonder will Pitt miss Chryst.
We wonder will Pitt miss Chryst.
We wonder will Pitt miss Chryst.
"Cause he has gone home.

Beaver County Times, December 14, 2014

"Stepping stone" rapidly became the phrase of the week as soon as Paul Chryst was linked to the head coaching job at Wisconsin.
Assuming Chryst will leave Pitt to return home for his dream job, the theory goes that coaching the Panthers has been downgraded to an intermediate step in a coaching career.
If that's the case, what's new about it?
Johnny Majors came to town in 1972 and made Pitt football relevant after a decade of dormancy. His fourth team won the 1976 national championship, and Majors was soon gone.
He left for his dream job, coaching at Tennessee, his alma mater.
Majors was succeeded by Jackie Sherrill, whose success at Pitt over five seasons (50-9-1) led to an offer from Texas A & M. That wasn't a homecoming for Sherrill, a native of Oklahoma who played at Alabama, but there was a dreamy aspect to the job: He got a six-year contract worth $1.7 million. That may seem quaint by today's standards, but it was a record amount when it was offered in 1982.
Then Pitt football settled into a pattern where most coaching departures were non-voluntary. Some of them won, but not enough. Mike Gottfried had the best winning percentage (.622) in the post-Sherrill years, but he was ousted as the team was preparing for a bowl appearance in 1989. That was just about a year after the university cooked up a rollover contract that promised to make him coach for life.
Dave Wannstedt got fired after a .575 winning percentage, which almost duplicated the .576 figure that got Foge Fazio dismissed after five seasons when he had followed Sherrill.
Most coaches don't stay in one spot too long these days. There is restlessness on both sides of contracts that always seem to have escape clauses built in. It's harder for coaches to move in the private enterprise world of the NFL than it is while working for institutions of higher learning that are supposed to have a more lofty purpose than winning football games.
It's just reality. You wouldn't expect the bulky Chryst to be much of a dancer, but there he is, doing the tango with Wisconsin even as Pitt's team prepares for another obscure bowl game.
Meanwhile, Pitt is tasked with finding yet another coach, a project that took so many bizarre turns when Wannstedt was canned in 2010, less than nine months after he'd been given a two-year contract extension.
If there's a new guy, he might well view Pitt as a stepping stone to something bigger and better. It's been that way for almost 40 years.
---
--LET'S MAKE A DEAL
The Pirates opened the 2015 ticket-selling season this weekend with a new policy they call a "real time pricing model."
They've taken steps in this direction over the past few seasons. The idea is to link prices to demand, leading to a structure that could potentially be as complex as shopping for airline fares.
You'll pay more for opening day. You'll pay more for weekend games. That Tuesday, July 7 date against the Padres? Maybe not so much.
The idea is to push more people into some sort of season ticket plan. The customer gets to lock in a price, and the team gets the commitment backed with money. Selling those tickets in advance is the ultimate hedge against bad weather or a disappointing season.
It's a common strategy, and one the Penguins used quite effectively when Mario Lemieux's arrival and an improved team suddenly increased demand for tickets.
Still, you get the feeling that some day a person will walk up to a window and ask how much tickets are, only to get the response, "How much you got?"
---
--WHO STAYS HOME?
If a team can go to a bowl game at 6-6, how bad do you have to be to not get an invitation?
---
--THE VERY LATE SHOW
If you ever wondered what happened to longtime TV reporter Dee Thompson, he's part of a Steelers show, "Championship Chase" that airs on WPXI-TV at 2:30 a.m. on Sundays.
The only thing more strange than having a Steelers show at 2:30 a.m. is it probably has an audience.

Beaver County Times, December 7, 2014

When Art Rooney II sits down to examine why the Steelers have transitioned from elite to ordinary, he needs to focus on the big picture.
Something has gone haywire in the player personnel department.
Consistently bad judgments are being made on draft choices and free agents -- not only who is signed, but who is allowed to leave.
Three-quarters into this season, it's obvious the Steelers have gotten little from free agents Mike Mitchell, Cam Thomas, Lance Moore and Darrius Heyward Bey, and don't even seem interested in using some of them.
Previous success was aided by under-the-radar signings like James Farrior, Kimo von Oelhoffen and Ryan Clark. None of the acquisitions generated headlines, but they all made the team better.
The ultimate responsibility for player personnel falls on GM Kevin Colbert, but there are layers of structure beneath him. There's a disconnect somewhere in the system, which is why the Steelers are spending their third-round draft choice on seldom-seen Dri Archer.
The Pirates were plagued in the past by some bad scouting within the organization. Some of the main advisors mistook flotsam like Brant Brown and Aki Iwamura for players who could contribute on a regular basis. Football is different because coaches tape exists of every game and every play, but the idea is the same: Someone is misjudging talent. The Pirates revamped their staff, and things got better.
Maybe the Steelers need to do that. Perhaps they need to revise the process that ranks potential draft picks.
The biggest problem with this team is a lack of talent, especially on defense. That's why they're heading into the last part of the schedule needing to run the table with little realistic chance to accomplish that.
---
--WEARING DOWN
Tight end may not be an immediate need for the Steelers, but it's a position they'll need to fill soon.
Heath Miller is still a reliable pass catcher, and a favorite target for Ben Roethlisberger. But gone are the days when it would take two tacklers to take Miller down. His yards after the catch have diminished greatly.
That's only natural after 10 NFL seasons. Miller's high-impact style of play only accelerates depreciation.
---
--CLASS REUNION
Terry Bradshaw and Jack Lambert were the two conspicuous no-shows from the 40-year reunion of the first Super Bowl team. It's doubtful either was a big issue with the players who were on hand.
They long ago made their peace with Bradshaw's various quirks. Lambert has turned into something of a recluse.
It was fun to see some of the more obscure players from that team -- you're a real fan if you remember Dick Conn, Marv Kellum, Ed Bradley and John McMakin. They were right place/right time players scattered amid the enviable collection of stars.
Dick Stuart, the Pirates' old iron-handed first baseman, used to skip the 1960 reunions because he had some beef with the organization. But in his final years, Stuart attended when he was invited. He said, "Who knows how many more chances we'll have to get together?"
Might be a point for Bradshaw and Lambert to ponder.
---
--DECISIONS DEFERRED
December used to be an especially active trading time in the NHL, to the point that players negotiated a trade embargo for Christmas week in the labor agreement.
The season nears the 30-game point, and teams get an idea of what they're lacking.
That led to a flurry of December deals, but the salary cap has crimped that activity. A lot of teams spend close to the cap, which means there isn't a lot of room to maneuver. Ray Shero used to call it trading apples for apples, meaning that if a team acquired a player with a $3 million contract, it had to purge a similar amount from the payroll.
That isn't easy, and it explains why much of the serious dealing is done closer to the trade deadline. The Penguins need at least one forward for the top two lines, but they may have to wait a while to add that player.
---
--JINGLE BELL ROCK
One thing about high school football stretching into December:
The marching band kids get to work up some Christmas songs for the halftime show.

Beaver County Times, November 30, 2014

There's a puzzling story in the current issue of Sports Illustrated that suggests the Steelers' offensive surge has come because they've eliminated gimmicks and simplified things.
The impression it conveys is the team was running a Barnum & Bailey show that stole every trick from Sam Wyche's old playbooks and topped it off with Zambelli fireworks.
To which the only appropriate response is, "Huh?"
The Steelers' offense has gotten more potent because the line is giving Ben Roethlisberger time to make plays, and because Martavis Bryant has emerged as a legitimate deep threat.
It wasn't nearly as good when Roethlisberger was being hurried and Markus Wheaton was only catching four of the 11 passes thrown his way.
The story suggests bubble screens were part of the "deception," but they're an alternative to a first-down run that just about every team uses now.
Was SI not watching when the Steelers had a 21-point explosion against Houston that included a fake reverse that saw Antonio Brown throw a touchdown pass to Lance Moore? That's as gimmicky as it gets, but it's probably as rare for the Steelers as it is for any other NFL offense.
Like a lot of things, Sports Illustrated isn't what it used to be.
---
--HOLD THE RICE
The Steelers need help at running back and Ray Rice is available. Hey, do you think...?
Not a chance.
---
--WALKER TO WALK
If you're waiting for the Pirates to offer Neil Walker a multi-year contract extension, you're probably going to be disappointed.
Walker is under club control for two more seasons. When he hits free agency after the 2016 season, he'll be 31.
Teams like the Pirates don't (and shouldn't) make multi-year deals with players past 30. The time to sign them is before they're 25, which greatly increases the chances the team will be getting the player's peak years with a five or six-year deal.
It worked with Andrew McCutchen. It didn't with Jose Tabata. We'll see what happens with the contract Starling Marte signed last year.
The Pirates haven't talked to Walker about an extension in four years. It's not a detail that slipped through the cracks. They aren't interested in signing him beyond the two years he still owes the team.
In addition to his age, there are concerns over back problems Walker has had. It often goes unnoticed, but his defense isn't even average. Walker doesn't make many errors. He's sure-handed on the balls he reaches, and his throws are accurate.
The issue is he gets to fewer balls than the average second baseman does. That isn't likely to improve once he gets past 30.
There are players in the minor league system who should be ready to replace Walker at second by 2017. It's very likely that someone will.
---
--FADED GLORY
Duquesne and Pitt will meet in basketball this Friday, a traditional rivalry that's become a big snore.
They call it "The City Game," but it's just another exhibition for Pitt, whose basketball program left Duquesne in the dust a couple of decades ago.
The game had meaning when both teams' rosters were heavy with western Pennsylvania players who had history from their high school days. It was further stoked when both schools were members of the Eastern Eight and were coached by local guys with strong loyalties like Tim Grgurich and Mike Rice.
Now it means little. For Pitt, it's a bump in the non-conference road, virtually indistinguishable from the game against St. Bonaventure that follows.
On Feb. 5, 1998, Duquesne beat an injury-depleted Pitt team 80-69. Dukes coach Scott Edgar announced his plans to head to Mt. Washington and look out over the city, knowing that his team was the king of college basketball in Pittsburgh.
The Dukes wound up 11-19, and Edgar was fired when the season ended.
---
--SLOW MOTION
It's been a running joke to say it's possible to go out for a sandwich during the last two minutes of an NBA game and not miss much.
It's rooted in truth, though. Veteran New York Post scold Phil Mushnick has been putting a stopwatch to the finishes of games.
In a recent Knicks-Bucks game, the last 1:18 on the game clock took 18 minutes and 45 seconds to complete. You not only have time to get a sandwich, you almost have enough time to roast the turkey.