We don't know who his favorite Avenger is, who might be his celebrity crush, who he thinks is the best dancer on the Seahawks, whether he plays golf or what his favorite Katy Perry song is. (All actual questions posed to players and coaches during the week).
That's our loss, but they're going ahead with the game anyway.
Lynch is the media-phobic Seattle running back. He was fined during the season because he didn't make himself available for questions after games. To avoid that fate during the week, he showed up for the daily media sessions, but never answered anything.
When he didn't have a stock answer for every question, he complained about the process. His antics became a sideshow within a sideshow.
The NFL is caught in the middle on this issue. If participation wasn't mandatory, more players than Lynch would skip the process. On the other hand, how were the NFL's interests served by Lynch's bizarre performance?
If the league was really serious about the process, it wouldn't credential the non-sports media who are on hand for self-promotion and general foolishness. So the NFL doesn't mind if people from Comedy Central and "The Tonight Show" act silly, but they get bent out of shape when Lynch derails the process.
The daily media sessions tilted toward the trivial long ago. Coaches aren't about to reveal anything of significance. Players mostly say the right cliches about having to be at their best in all three phases of the game, yada, yada, yada.
As far back as Super Bowl IX, cracks appeared. Fred Dryer, a player not participating in the Super Bowl, got a media credential via Sport magazine, called himself Cubby O'Schweitzer and asked Chuck Noll, "Is the zone defense here to stay and, if not, where is it going?"
Some players manage to have fun with it. When the Steelers went to that first Super Bowl, veterans Ray Mansfield and Andy Russell regaled reporters with tales of the bad old days, when the team practiced on a South Park field that had previously been used by the horses from Allegheny County's mounted police force. When the bell rang to end media availability, Mansfield was disappointed because he still had more stories to tell.
Few players embrace media availability like Mansfield did, but few have a pathological aversion as strong as Lynch's. For the cranks and eccentrics who want to skip it, let them. We're guaranteed freedom of the press, but freedom from the press is a sacred right, too. Nobody gets summoned to Super Bowl media scrums by subpoena.
Steve Carlton had a Hall of Fame baseball career and went years without doing interviews. It was understood that Carlton wouldn't talk, so everyone adapted. It was no big deal. Carlton won a lot of games, and newspapers and broadcast stations stayed in business.
If Lynch didn't want to participate, he shouldn't have been dragged there. This is a guy who thinks it's appropriate to celebrate touchdowns by grabbing his crotch. You'd think the NFL would want to steer him as far from the spotlight as possible.
Millions will watch the game tonight even though they don't know who his favorite Avenger is.
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--DETAILS, DETAILS
After signing a $210 million contract with the Nationals, Max Scherzer made it known he would be moving his permanent residence to Florida.
There's no state income tax there.
If you have $210 million, do you really need to sweat the tax bill?
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---FAMILIAR FACES
Since people complain about the way the NFL recycles head coaches, it's worth noting that both of today's coaches fall into that category.
Bill Belichick coached the Browns for five seasons and was head coach in name of the Jets twice without actually coaching a game. Then he moved to the Patriots, where he replaced Pete Carroll, who had also coached the Jets previously.
Those who regard Belichick as a cheater might also note that Carroll went to the Seahawks because the NCAA was about to levy big sanctions against Southern California for infractions during his time as the school's head coach.
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--CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Paul Zeise will take over the 6 to 10 p.m. show on 93.7 The Fan (KDKA-FM) beginning Monday.
If you listen, be assured there's nothing wrong with your radio. He's a little loud.
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