Altoona Mirror, December 27, 2015

The beauty of having Christmas fall on a Friday is there's a whole glorious weekend to celebrate. Gifts, gluttony and football -- who could ask for more?
Take a break from the incessant beeping of the electronic devices and gather the family around the ottoman to put these new lyrics to familiar holiday melodies. (Maybe one of the kids has a piano app on his new phone). With a nod to the influences of Mad magazine and Allan Sherman, here's a chance to look back in a musical way while you wait for the kickoff of the Steelers game.
Sing loud and sing proud, because for all the complaining, all three pro teams were in the playoffs in 2015.
---
Trading Neil Walker to the New York Mets may have been necessary, but it definitely wasn't popular.

To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas"

     So Neil Walker had to go,
     Traded him to New York.
     Numbers didn't add up right,
     'Tho he did some good work.

     One year 'til he's on the market,
     Take the highest bid.
     Did his job, a nice guy, too.
     So long, Pittsburgh Kid.
---
Those who remember the Steelers when the offense was built around the running game are still adapting to the new emphasis on passing.
Thanks to Ben Roethlisberger and a talented group of receivers, the Steelers are setting passing records.

To the tune of "Let It Snow"

     They used to hand off to Franco.
     It was money in the bank. Oh,
     They've found a new way to go.
     Let 'em throw,
     Watch 'em throw,
     There they go.

     The Bus would slam bang for just four,
     Now they're throwing for so much more.
     They're frightening every foe,
     Love to throw,
     Deep they go,
     What a show.

     A.B., Bryant and Wheaton, too.
     Teams just don't know what to do.
     If they force them underneath,
     Ben can always go to Heath.

     Oh they're moving the chains so fast now.
     No-huddle shows their know-how.
     Forget about the status quo,
     Let 'em throw,
     Scores aren't low,
     Way to go.
---

Three stanzas for each of the city's three professional team.

To the tune of "Deck The Hall"

     Wild-card round is unforgiving,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     One and done is not a good thing.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Arietta was so nasty
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Painful like an angioplasty,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Pedro's glove was made of steel,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Tried to trade him, but no deal.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Every ground ball was in doubt,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Hurdle's patience just ran out.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Walker's gone, and A.J. too,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Holes to fill, what will Neal do?
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Can't replace them just with scrubs,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Not with those improving Cubs.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Sid the Kid is on a skid,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Can he do what he once did?
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Looking 'way too ordinary,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     That's a trend that's very scary.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Dumped the coach for so-so start,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Stars still need to do their part.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Kessel has to earn his cash,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Or there will be big backlash.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Fleury's solid, he's the one,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     He could lead a long Cup run,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Need to pick up and start scoring,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Who dreamed this team could be so boring?
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Steelers, can they run the table?
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Maybe, is the defense able?
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Scoring points, have lots of heroes
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Need the defense to get zeroes.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     Ben no doubt is in his prime,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Cannot waste this special time.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Scoreboard lights up every week,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Now plug those secondary leaks.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.

     The stress they cause can lead to liquor,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Took three tries to find a kicker.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Always have big expectations,
     Fa la la la la la la la la.
     Part of life in Steelers Nation.
     Fa la la la la la la la la.