Saturday, December 30, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 31, 2017

It's that time of year again -- the last week in the last month.
Time to vacuum the pine needles, hunt for 75% discounts on picked over Christmas merchandise and -- oh yes, thank you, Lord -- send the kids back to school.
But before any of that happens, it's time to tackle the year-end quiz. Look back on the old year and test your recall with the traditional dozen puzzlers. Grab a pair of sharpened No. 2 pencils, and have at it. The clock is now running.
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1. Who had the biggest impact on the Pirates' season?
a. Clint Hurdle.
b. Neal Huntington.
c. Starling Marte's pharmacist.
---
2. James Harrison will be remembered for:
a. That 100-yard Super Bowl touchdown.
b. All the sacks.
c. The least-sentimental departure since Todd Graham.
---
3. The World Series is:
a. The championship round.
b. The Fall Classic.
c. A myth to any Pirates fan under 45.
---
4. What is the nation's biggest problem?
a. Distrust of government.
b. Failing infrastructure.
c. Nobody seems to care about "service fees" added to ticket prices.
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5. What could get Jung-Ho Kang back to the Pirates?
a. Diplomacy.
b. Mercy.
c. Uber.
---
6. Pitt signed football coach Pat Narduzzi to a seven-year extension. This guarantees:
a. Stability.
b. Recruiting efficiency.
c. He'll be here for at least two more seasons.
---
7. What's the one certain way to embarrass a player?
a. Bench him.
b. Call a penalty on him.
c. Give him an award for cooperating with the media.
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8. What's the one good thing about NFL replay review delays?
a. It gets the play right.
b. It keeps the officials accountable.
c. It gives the Steelers radio crew time to figure out who caught the pass.
---
9. What record will never be broken?
a. Cy Young's 511 career wins.
b. Wilt Chamberlain's 100-point game.
c. Marvin Lewis' 15 seasons as a head coach without winning a playoff game.
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10. What engineering marvel is being studied at Carnegie-Mellon?
a. Robotics.
b. 3-D printers.
c. Rich Walsh's hair.
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11. You're a old-time Steelers fan if you remember when:
a. Chuck Noll coached the team.
b. Bobby Layne was quarterback.
c. Their games kicked off at 1 o'clock on Sundays.
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12. The Pirates want Gregory Polanco to:
a. Change his training routine.
b. Modify his diet.
c. Stop and ask for directions when running the bases.
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(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com)



Saturday, December 23, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 24, 2017

Andy Williams was right. It's the most wonderful time of the year.
It's a time for family and feasting and fun and this year there's even a full menu of football.
It's been a tradition for several years now to mark the occasion in this corner with a fresh batch of sports-themed holiday songs set to the existing melodies of seasonal favorites.
When the opportunity presents itself, have cousin Anthony get out the keyboard and gather the family to sing along. Hopefully in the spirit of Allan Sherman, Mad magazine and Rege Cordic's Olde Frothingslosh, you'll get a chuckle or two.
Sing these loudly and proudly and have yourself a holly jolly Christmas.
---
The New England Patriots seem to be the best team in the NFL. There's little doubt about which franchise is the worst.
The Cleveland Browns set a new standard for futility with their stunningly bad draft decisions, coaching carousel and quarterback roulette.
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(To the tune of "Silver Bells.")

Cleveland Browns,
Football clowns.
Bringing disgrace to their city.
Watch them lose,
That's not news.
It's what they do every week.
Aggravation. Consternation.
Big mistakes by the lake.
In the air there's the vile stench of failure.
Oh they fumble,
How they stumble,
Losing week after week.
Even the Dawg Pound agrees:
Cleveland Browns,
Football clowns.
Bringing disgrace to their city.
There's no spin.
They don't win.
That's just the Cleveland Browns' way.
---

One regular feature of the annual songbook is a recap of the year for Pittsburgh's three pro teams.
That's three stanzas of doggerel for each of them.
---
(To the tune of "Deck The Hall")
Pirates' season? Stinkeroo.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Marte failed, and Kang did, too.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Lineup just too short of pop.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Another season was a flop.
Fa la la la la la la la la

Run the bases like they're drunk.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Talk show callers in a funk.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Lots of outrage? I should say so.
Fa la la la la la la la la
They had way too much John Jaso.
Fa la la la la la la la la

Management got brand new contracts.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Seems to contradict the facts.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Need improvement, have to hurry.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Attendance falling, that's a worry.
Da la la la la la la la la

Penguins won, oh how they played.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Lots of beer at their parade.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Crosby, Malkin and Matt Murray.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Nice sendoff for old friend Fleury.
Fa la la la la la la la la

Goalie got that last Cup run,
Fa la la la la la la la la
So long Flower, it was fun.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Teammates loved him, what a guy.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Always tough to say goodbye.
Fa la la la la la la la la

Sullivan is two-for-two.
Fa la la la la la la la la
That is very hard to do.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Three would be a real tough task.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Is it even fair to ask?
Fa la la la la la la la la


Same old Steelers, can't beat Brady.
Fa la la la la la la la la
And Belichick, who's so darned shady.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Ah to beat them would delight.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Until then they're Kryptonite.
Fa la la la la la la la la

JuJu was a breath of fresh air.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Plays the game with quite a flair.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Rode his bike both near and far.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Now he can afford a car.
Fa la la la la la la la la

Shazier is a major worry.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Take your time, no need to hurry.
Fa la la la la la la la la
Rally 'round him, win the big one.
Fa la la la la la la la la
No more Patriots then done.
Fa la la la la la la la la
---

Watch a game in any pro sport these days, and you'll have ample time to make a snack run.
There's nothing "instant" about replay or the process to review all the angles and render a decision.
You not only have time to make a sandwich, there may be enough time to bake fresh bread.
---
(To the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear")
Said the referee to the man upstairs.
"Do you see what we saw?"
"Help us out," said the referee:
"Do you see what we saw?
A catch? A drop? We don't have a clue.
And that's why we're calling you.
Yes, that's why we're calling you."
(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com)



Sunday, December 17, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 17, 2017

This is it, the big game.
Big? Forget about that. It's huge, gigantic, immense, enormous, possibly apocalyptic.
At least until the playoffs start.
Post-game traffic patterns could be altered if authorities decide to shut down bridges to prevent the masses from plunging into the chilly waters while shouting epithets about Mike Tomlin.
It's the game that will go a long way toward shaping the AFC part of the postseason, this showdown between the New England Patriots and Steelers at Heinz Field.
When Bill Belichick is scowling in your town, you know it's the big time.
The Steelers don't beat the Patriots often, but they can today.
The formula is simple: Avoid turnovers. Don't give Tom Brady any more opportunities than necessary.
Sustain long drives that keep Brady on the sideline. The biggest concern is probably tight end Rob Gronkowski, who returns from a one-game suspension today.
He's a force, and a favorite Brady target. He's also difficult to tackle. Given the way lesser players have run right through some weak tackling attempts by the Steelers, it isn't difficult to envision Gronkowski roaring through the Steelers defense like a PennDOT truck plowing through a snow drift.
By about 7:30, we should know how this all sorts out. In the meantime, it's OK to be tense.
After all, it's potentially apocalyptic.
---
--MISSING PERSON
The Steelers staged alumni weekend a few weeks ago, a chance to welcome the first members of the team's newly-created Hall of Honor.
All living inductees were there with a couple of exceptions.
Terry Bradshaw was busy with his duties for FOX. Who knows if he would have shown up if he didn't have that obligation.
Jack Lambert was missing, too, continuing one of the most interesting storylines from the team's Super Bowl era.
Following retirement, Lambert moved to a rural location and served as a local game warden. Over the years he's developed some reclusive tendencies. He once had a higher profile, playing with a celebrity hockey team that made regular appearances in the region.
Not now. When Chuck Noll died in 2014, Lambert made arrangements to visit the funeral home outside of the open hours. He got a private audience with Noll's family.
He has no-showed most reunions. Spies report he's told the Steelers he wants to be paid for any appearances.
---
--WHICH WAY?
Published reports say Pirates general manager Neal Huntington is undecided about his team's chances of being a playoff contender in 2018.
That can't be a good sign.
The Pirates got through MLB's Winter Meetings without doing anything major. They addressed the fringes of the roster by acquiring borderline pitchers and a utility infielder.
Are the Pirates good enough, as currently constructed, to compete in a division with the Cubs and Cardinals? Probably not, and that's why Huntington has doubts.
They need a third baseman. A legitimate spare outfielder would be helpful. What team couldn't use more pitching?
The Pirates are locked into contracts with players who were unproductive last season (Francisco Cervelli, Gregory Polanco). They have players who are approaching free agency (Andrew McCutchen after this season, Gerrit Cole and Jordy Mercer after 2019).
They're stuck in the middle in a variety of areas, including what their GM thinks his approach needs to be.
---
--HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Jim Leyland turned 73 on Friday.
It's taken 20 years, but he finally looks his age.
(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com)


Sunday, December 10, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 10, 2017

Within 24 hours after the brutal Bengals-Steelers Monday night game, someone was producing t-shirts inspired by one of the jarring hits.
The shirts -- unlicensed and unauthorized -- had a drawing that showed Steelers rookie JuJu Smith-Schuster standing over Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict. The word "Karma" appeared in large letters.
Burfict was flattened by a block that sent him off the field on a cart and earned Smith-Schuster an NFL suspension for tonight's game.
The moment depicted on the shirt is Smith-Schuster taunting Burfict. That reaction drew criticism from Mike Tomlin, an expression of regret from Smith-Schuster, and lineman David DeCastro's best effort to steer the rookie away from Burfict.
Burfict has been public enemy No. 1 among Steelers fans for some time, a ranking he's earned with repeated cheap shots. He's shown a blatant disregard for the rules and basic professional respect for opponents.
But there's still something fundamentally wrong with celebrating that kind of hit in a game that saw a Steelers player suffer a potentially life-changing injury because of aggressive contact. As Sam Wyche once admonished misbehaving Cincinnati fans, "You don't live in Cleveland."
No doubt the shirts will sell. Some people will probably buy them to give as Christmas gifts. Others will be delighted to find one of the shirts under their tree.
Sometimes there's a blurry line between fandom and fan-dumb.
---
The Steelers have had almost a week to adjust emotionally to Ryan Shazier's absence.
Beginning tonight, they move on the challenge of playing without one of their best defensive players.
They've had some injuries here and there this season, but haven't had the devastating loss of a difference maker. Now that's happened.
The defense, a strength for most of the season, has been compromised recently by Joe Haden's absence with a broken leg.
The longer the season goes, the more health becomes an issue.
Beyond the understandable effect Shazier's injury has had on the team's psyche, now there's the practical matter of replacing his production in the lineup.
---
Pat Narduzzi signed an extension to remain Pitt's head football coach through 2024.
That's nice, but it really doesn't mean much. Most college coaching contracts don't really matter.
If Narduzzi has great success, a bigger and richer school will come looking for him, armed with a check for whatever the buyout costs. If Narduzzi doesn't have great success, Pitt will probably replace him before 2014. Seven years is a long time in college football.
Pitt signed Mike Gottfried to a unique rollover contract in April, 1988. It was described as a lifetime contract.
Pitt fired Gottfried in December, 1989 as the team was preparing to play in the John Hancock Bowl.
---
The Cleveland Browns fired general manager Sashi Brown last week. At the same time, they announced that head coach Hue Jackson would stay on the job, despite a 1-27 record in his two seasons with the team.
It really is the season for miracles.
---
You start watching a high school state championship for no good reason. You stick with it because the snow is flying and those are always fun games to watch.
When it's over, here's the takeaway: Games move a lot quicker without replay reviews.
---
The Army-Navy game was played yesterday.
Nobody sat during the national anthem.
(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com)
---that's all---

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 6, 2017

It's never a good idea to watch something scary on TV right before bedtime.
But this was Steelers-Bengals from Cincinnati, an AFC North game of some significance in the Monday night spotlight.
It was scary, and not just because the Steelers needed another last-second field goal before they could shake a team that didn't match their skill level.
The hitting was ferocious, as has become the custom when these teams meet.
The most significant injury came early when Steelers linebacker Ryan Shazier launched himself into a tackle, then was prone on the field, unable to move.
Teammates were shaken. Shazier was placed on a board and driven off the field on a cart. He bypassed the locker room and went straight to the hospital. Bad omens were piling up.
You had the feeling something really was up when TV cameras caught Steelers general manager Kevin Colbert talking to Mike Tomlin on the sideline. Insiders say Colbert often visits the sideline during road games, but he usually doesn't consult with the head coach while he's there.
Shazier's fellow linebacker, Vince Williams, was in tears. Cam Heyward took the responsibility to talk to Williams and attempt to settle him down.
The game went on. Big plays were made, and mistakes were just as abundant. They played without Shazier, yet his presence seemed stronger than ever. You get back to the game, but you don't move on from what happened.
As this is being written on Tuesday evening, details are sparse. Tomlin, Colbert and chairman Art Rooney II all detoured to the hospital after the game to visit with Shazier.
Shazier's parents and fiance were there, Tomlin said. What he didn't say -- he didn't have to say -- is this was the fear every mother and father feels when they sign that first permission slip for their son to play football.
Parents know what can happen. They pray that it doesn't.
The Steelers have released two statements, both indicating some progress has been made. The team has not commented on a media report that Shazier had movement in both of his legs. That would represent substantial progress in his condition since he was wheeled into the hospital.
Shazier might be fine in a matter of weeks. Or he may never play football again. Nobody knows at this point.
This injury was self-inflicted. Shazier was playing the game at 100 miles per hour, just like he always does.
This time he couldn't get up from the collision.
"It's a tough game, a tough business, man," Tomlin said.
We watch because the athletes are so good. They have incredible skills and an absence of fear. The spectacle draws people to stadiums and their TV screens every weekend.
The Steelers have a family waiting room at Heinz Field. Relatives gather there, waiting for players to emerge from the locker room. The players are often limping after the home games. Sometimes they're bandaged or on crutches. If they aren't, the post-game reunions come with a sense of relief.
Somebody's son or husband or dad spent the day dodging a lot of 300-pound bullets.
Today the Steelers will start getting ready to do it again. They have a Sunday night home game against the Baltimore Ravens, another incredibly intense AFC North battle.
In all likelihood, Ryan Shazier remains in the hospital in Cincinnati this morning.
The players will think about him. Some will call or text him. Then they'll hit that practice field and start working for this week's game, knowing that somebody on either team might leave the field on a cart, bypass the locker room and go to the hospital.
More scary TV to precede bedtime.
Tough business, tough game, man.
(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnoccolumn@gmail.com)


Sunday, December 3, 2017

Altoona Mirror, December 3, 2017

There are probably more corrupt businesses in America than college sports. Human trafficking comes to mind.
But most of the other slimy pursuits aren't wrapped up in bouncy school spirit, a marching band and officially licensed team apparel.
It's that time of year when coaches who already have lucrative contracts are lusting for jobs they don't have, aided and abetted by university administrators who are looking at the viability of meeting the price of the buyout clause.
Head coaches have long been the highest-paid employees on most campuses. Now the assistant coaches are moving up on that list, too.
Those professors doing scientific research? Yeah, they do good work, but they don't get paid like an offensive coordinator with a good highlight reel.
It's a highly competitive business, and you're not going to last long if you don't compete successfully. And if that means plying recruits with paid escorts or making sure academic standards are fudged? Well, you do what you have to do.
Look up your favorite university and you'll find the won-lost record for the football team a lot faster than you'll uncover the graduation rate. If they do graduate, what does it mean if they accumulated credits on those phantom courses that were part of the curriculum at North Carolina? (By the way, Tar Heels basketball coach Roy Williams didn't know a thing about those courses that didn't exist).
The whole concept of graduation is probably quaint. That doesn't matter when athletes enroll in a school just long enough to catch the attention of pro scouts. The University of Kentucky runs a de facto developmental program for the NBA. Coach John Calipari readily admits his players are temps.
Chip Kelly recently signed on to coach UCLA's football team. ESPN said Kelly had his pick of jobs. Kelly won at the University of Oregon, but left behind a mess that led to NCAA sanctions. One of those penalties prevented Kelly from signing on with another member school for 18 months. It didn't matter because he fled to the NFL.
Soon Kelly will be meeting with UCLA boosters who have check books in their pockets. They won't ask what happened in Oregon. They won't wonder why things went so wrong that Kelly was fired from NFL jobs in Philadelphia and San Francisco.
They'll ask the same question that keeps the system going down the same path: "Are we going to win next year, coach?"
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--CLOSED DOOR
Former Steelers Alan Faneca and Hines Ward are among the finalists for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It's unlikely either will make it this year.
Faneca could be caught in a glut of offensive linemen. He should eventually get in, but it could take a while.
Ward was a solid all-around receiver, but he doesn't have the glitzy numbers that others piled up playing in different systems.
Ward's blocking -- once criticized as too vicious by the Baltimore Ravens -- was an integral part of the Steelers' running game. But some voters don't care. Pete Prisco of cbs.com is on record saying he won't be swayed by any arguments for Ward's blocking prowess.
Faneca's election seems to be inevitable. There is no such feeling in Ward's case.
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--OVERKILL COMING
Any story worth covering is worth over-covering to TV.
When the New York Giants play in Oakland today, Eli Manning will be standing on the sideline as his streak of starting games is expected to end at 210.
How many camera shots will there be on Manning looking forlorn on the sideline?
(John Mehno can be reached at: johnmehnocolumn@gmail.com)