The first week of Super Bowl run-up has been overwhelmed by the scandal surrounding the inflation of footballs in last week's AFC Championship Game. It's a CSI mystery layered enough to stand on its own.
Any good story needs a villain, and Bill Belichick is perfect for that role. Beady-eyed, often hidden under a hood, he says little and smiles only when someone hands him the Vince Lombardi trophy.
Belichick is obsessed with finding any edge to win games. That's what led the Patriots to illegally tape opposing defensive coaches to decipher hand signals. They called that "Spygate" and the Patriots were penalized by the NFL.
The first reaction to the football inflation scandal was a dismissive eye roll. Just more Patriots-inspired suspicion, which they've earned.
But as the week crawled on, there were two significant observations that added context and substance. Mark Brunell, a former NFL quarterback now employed by ESPN, was adamant in asserting that slightly-deflated footballs are easier to grip and more likely to spiral perfectly. In short, they're a quarterback's dream.
Then Hines Ward said on NBC's "Today Show" that the conspiracy could have been a cozy arrangement limited to Tom Brady and one of the faceless sideline helpers who handles the footballs. That makes sense.
As any avid mystery reader knows, conspiracies should always be limited. If 10 people know, there are 10 potential leaks. Many factors might motivate a whistle-blower -- pangs of conscience, money, revenge, desire for attention. If too many people know what's going on, there are too many chances for the secrets to be revealed.
A few things make a Patriots cheating scandal entirely plausible:
--Athletes will use any edge, real or imagined. Before steroids, baseball players used to cork their bats. Pitchers would hide small pieces of sandpaper in their gloves to scuff baseballs and make them dip unpredictably.
Baseball has a long history of sign theft. When Harvey Haddix pitched 12 perfect innings in 1959, the Braves were stealing every sign from catcher Smoky Burgess and relaying the information. It wasn't until the 1980s that someone from the Braves finally told Haddix about it.
--Athletes have a freakish relationship with the tools of their trade. Some hitters can open a shipment of new bats, lift each one and instantly identify one that's an ounce heavier or lighter than the others. Hockey players have a similar sixth sense about sticks. A quarterback who constantly handles a football is probably just as attuned to the slightest alteration.
--Equipment managers are sports' great secret keepers. They see everything, hear everything, tell nothing. They are confidants, the Alfreds who will never reveal that Bruce Wayne is Batman. Cell phones have changed the world, but in the old days a locker room guy would keep messages straight so a player would know which one was from the Jennifer who was his wife and which came from the Jennifer who was his girlfriend. That's trust.
Equipment guys knew how to cork bats, and how to pull a fast switch when the umpire came to confiscate the bat. Jaromir Jagr played a lot of shifts for the Penguins with an illegally curved stick. But the equipment staff knew to ditch those in the last period of a close game and substitute legal ones in case the opponent challenged the stick.
The bond between players and equipment guys can be strong. It's not uncommon for a wealthy player to buy a new vehicle for a trusted helper, or to provide an envelope full of cash. Or here, have a box of autographed stuff that you can sell out the back door at $300 a pop.
Support staffers work long hours for low salaries in less than favorable conditions (Have you ever smelled a hockey locker room?) Some players use them like valets, and provide significant rewards. It is possible to buy loyalty.
The NFL is investigating the Patriots, but don't expect any conclusions for a while. Only Columbo could take and solve a case in two hours.
Unfortunately, he's not available for this one. It would be fun to watch him irritate Bill Belichick with "...just one more thing."
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