Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Beaver County Times, July 5, 2015

Time to get that hole in the screen door patched, and rid up the yard, too. The Super Bowl could be coming to town.
The Steelers have applied to the NFL to host Super Bowl LVII in 2023. That would be Super Bowl 57 at Heinz Field, of course, a symmetry that should appeal to the commercial-minded league.
Alas, we missed our shot on Super Bowl 33 (Rolling Rock beer) and Super Bowl 11 (the number of herbs and spices in the secret KFC recipe). We won't get caught napping this time.
The Steelers have taken the first stop in the process, which is submitting an application. That's sort of like announcing your intention to invite the class hottie to the prom. No guarantee it will ever come close to happening, but you establish interest.
A Pittsburgh Super Bowl really doesn't make much sense, but the Rooneys have some sway in the NFL in some matters. For that reason, it can't be ruled out instantly.
The Super Bowl isn't just the biggest football game, it's the NFL's combination party/trade show/convention. Companies who spend a lot of money with the NFL get a lot of the tickets and spend the week showing off their association with the No. 1 sports league.
That's why most Super Bowls are in warm weather cities with a reputation as party places, like New Orleans and Miami. Sure, they sidetrack to Detroit and Indianapolis now and then, but the game is played under a dome.
The exception was 2014 in New Jersey, the first time a Super Bowl was played outdoors in a place guaranteed to be cold on game day. The NFL lucked out there, as the weather wasn't a factor.
And besides, that was New York. Where better to spend the week of the run-up? New York has dozens of Broadway shows. Pittsburgh gets the touring company of "Kinky Boots," and it's a big deal if someone in the cast once appeared in an episode of "Seinfeld."
Pittsburgh mayor/Undercover Boss Bill Peduto is solidly behind the plan, and he ought to be. Pittsburgh's tourism bureau is an awfully lonely place when the bike lanes are snowed under.
It's too early to project an exact date, but the Super Bowl is usually around the first week of February. Considering 2023 is still eight years away, do we even know if Heinz Field will still be around? The Steelers might decide the place is outdated and start squawking that they need a new one.
But let's proceed with caution and start making some preliminary plans, just in case. People who sell funnel cakes should be put on alert because this could be one monster street fair.
Of course, we'll need those two western Pennsylvania traditions, a classic car cruise and a parade. Fireworks every time it's dark.
Obviously we need more hotel rooms, even though there's now a hotel every 15 yards between PNC Park and Heinz Field. Who knew the number of hotels would equal the number of panhandlers in that sector?
The Penguins should have some home games during that week. One should be against the Bruins, given that the Patriots are likely to be one of the Super Bowl teams. Bill Belichick and Tom Brady will probably still be in charge, too, even though they'll be 71 and 46 by then. Pure evil lasts forever.
This is a chance to show off the North Shore Connector, the boondoggle of a non-bullet train that crawls beneath the river from downtown. Not many cities have a light rail line that covers 1.2 miles at a cost of $523.4 million and -- oh yeah -- routinely passes up potential passengers because the cars are already packed.
(By the way, suspend the free ride policy for SB LVII week. If somebody has $800 for a game ticket, they can kick in the $2.50 fare).
This is a chance to promote Pittsburgh in a way that hasn't existed since people flocked to town to watch the implosion of Three Rivers Stadium.
Just imagine barons of industry going back to headquarters bragging about their week in Pittsburgh and telling astonished lackeys, "They put the fries right on the sandwich!"
The possibilities are endless. North Siders are already dreaming of gouging a tourist for the use of a parking space that's been saved with an old kitchen chair.

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